I want to make things right, I want to soothe her. She tries to jerk her arms free, she’s embarrassed about her outburst and her messy face. She stops struggling and looks at me. I sense her arriving at a decision I don’t want. I plead with her, ‘Please don’t say it, Jane.’ She looks at me confused. I grab one of my pillows and shuck it from the case. With the pillowcase I carefully wipe her runny nose. ‘Blow.’ She blows through her nose while I pinch and release, clearing her nostrils. I fold the pillowcase and wipe the tears away with a clean patch. When I’m finished, I toss the pillowcase on the floor. Through this process she quietly studies me. I move back off her chest to her stomach with her wrists in my hands. ‘You’re the meanest man I ever met.’ My first thought is the childish one, ‘you were mean first,’ but I let that reply dissipate, instead, ‘Yeah…’ I say resignedly nodding my head. I continue, ‘I didn’t understand…I didn’t realize the depth…how bad it would hurt you…. Is that Al Gore?To err is humor.Beer ConventionThere’s a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands... At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Carlsberg’ orders a Carlsberg, and the list goes on... Then the waitress asks Freddie Heineken what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Heineken orders a Coke!“Why don’t you order a Heineken?” his colleagues ask... “Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, then neither will I.”Haircuts - The Difference Between Men and WomenWomen’s version:Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?Woman2: Oh Gosh no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I.
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